Happy 4th of July!

U S A Hooray.... lol..wow...

98% of the teenage population does/has tried pot. If you're part of the 2% who hasn't, copy this in your journal.

Wow only 2 percent.. suppose I'm proud. Technically I'm not a teenager but still..

Blog? yay! I am back to blogging!

hey.. does this still work? yay!

hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

note to self... WRITE MORE...

So Howard Dean lost the Iowa caucus, third place. Kind of freaks me out but Dean is from Vermont, right next to New Hampshire, and the New Hampshire caucus will be held next tuesday. he probably could take the ticket on this one. If you want a change in this country, wanna turn around what the Bush admin. has done to us, you should be checking out this guy and supporting him all the way. Enough politics for me right there..

So I have to tell you all something. Or write it out for my sanity at least.. but I've been on the computer long enough so I'll do it later tonight or tomorrow afternoon. It's just something I hate and am so upset about that I dont even know how to deal with it. So I sorta just haven't told anyone about it. Besides people that would obviosuly know. Has to do with the college situation.. but just not getting into it now.

Steve is leaving for 4 years tomorrow at 4:30 pm in my time. I mean I should be able to email him around april and make phone calls. I dont know how he is doing it. I am so proud of him. I love him to pieces. He better be safe. All these things in this post might sound a bit depressing but I am doing just fine. All just a little stressful.

Extended Christmas break =o). I truely love snow. The way it looks, smells, feels, tastes, yes tastes.

2004 is going to be a joyous year

TAURUS in 2004: Gratification
This year should be the calm after a long and horrendous storm. Not that the year will be perfect, of course, but it will be so much more stress-free that you'll feel as if the proverbial ten-ton weight has finally fallen from your shoulders. Your financial situation should improve and your lot in life seems far more attractive than it has appeared in a long time. Your career is likely to advance considerably, perhaps more quickly than one would normally expect. 2004 sees you starting off on a new, happier, and more gratifying phase in your life's journey.

nice, eh? sounds like just what i need. i'm excited. i'm in a very good mood =o)

i cut off 9-12 inches. it's layered. I love it. so bouncy and light. it felt liberating to cut it all off. =o)

What a better way to ring in the new years then about a foot or more or snow! Wow... so beautiful =o) I guess it's predicted to snow until monday. This is 3 times in the past month or two.

Also, tomorrow I am cutting off about 6 inches of my hair and dying it all one color, haven't decided what though.

Oh, the house I went to a party at last night had an indoor pool, it was fun!

Night kids

Oh btw. I got a guitar for christmas!

It snowed again. Steve said he loved me. Hot brother's friends. New Shoes. Cheap Shoes. Shawn is funny.


"I Shall Believe"
Sheryl Crow

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe

I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

Never again
would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe

Ah! It's 12:13 am! Do you know what that meannnnnns? I didn't! But then I stopped reading other blogs and realized!!!! It's christmas eve! YAY! So.. Merry Christmas eve! nighty

I have been SO testy lately. I really don't what's wrong. I think it's that I thought I got out all my anger about things that happened earlier in the year and even last year but I'm not sure I did anymore. I never really show how mad I am about things that have happened. I can't remember the last time I just let someone have. When they deserved it too. I think I thought I was shrugging it off and being happier but I think I'm realizing that all I was doing was bottling it up. I just wanna scream at someone. Hit someone really hard. It sounds so creepy. I hate it, but lately everytime someone says something I don't agree with or makes me feel bad, I can just feel it. It's all this horribly, mean energy just boiling up inside my stomach and moving upwards. It is VERY hard to keep it down. I just don't wanna blow up at someone for something small when it's about all the anger from a long time ago. I feel like a pack rat or something, ya know? I hate it. Didn't I already say that? Well I do, I really hate this feeling. It freaks me out. Earlier I really almost lost it online with someone who is such a great guy. He just was stating something that sure is kind of true, but made me feel bad about myself and I felt was pretty unfair. While I could have just talked it out, I let out some of that built up anger at him. He really didn't deserve it. While I deserve my own opinion as well, he deserved some more understanding.

I really is starting to affect everyday life. It is such a scary anger. I can feel it and it's so MEAN. It almost feels evil. Not satanish of course but like someone who has had a horrid life who has the right to feel that upset with everyone. If anyone will let me call them and get really mad, please tell me. I need to scream at something or someone.

sheesh. weird. I have to go. bye all

Just give me something. I'll take nothing.

So I went to medford last weekend to stay with my grandparents, that I don't like, for the weekend. But anyways, most of the time we were shopping, christmas shopping that is. I got all mine done. Yay! On the way back home it was snowing like crazy in the mountains and passes. all you could see was trees and snow. snow on trees. it was pretty. I have to get up at 5:30m am tomorrow for this: www.MPNC.org

so goodnight

I am a dork. And you want me. YEAH

Ain’t no talkin’ to this man
Ain’t no pretty other side
Ain’t no way to understand the stupid words of pride
It would take an acrobat and I already tried all that
I’m gonna let him fly -mmm

Things can move at such a pace
The second hand just waved goodbye
You know the light has left his face
But you can’t recall just where or why
So there was really nothing to it
I just went and cut right through it
I said I’m gonna let him fly
Oh yeah

There’s no mercy in a live wire
No rest at all in freedom
Choices we are givin
It’s no choice at all
The proof is in the fire
You touch before it moves away - yeah
But you must always know
How long to stay and when to go

And there ain’t no talkin’ to this man
He’s been trying to tell me so
It took a while to understand
The beauty of just letting go
Cause it would take an acrobat n’
I already tried all that

I’m gonna let him fly - fly whoa
I’m gonna let him fly - fly
I’m gonna let him fly - fly

"Fly"- The Dixie Chicks

we got our christmas tree today. it looks so purddy =o)

you are Toca's Djembe


Which Mraz-related item are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Kyan: Grooming Guru


Which Member from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is your type?
brought to you by Quizilla

1. First Name? Emily
2. Are you named after anyone? not my first name
4. Which finger is your favorite? left hand, middle finger.. pointer one comes in second
5. When did you last cry? um.. thursday i think
6.Do you like your handwriting? yes
7. What is your favorite lunchmeat? don't eat it, but i DID love turkey
8. Any bad habits? i am always late
9. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf? a chicken noodle soup for the soul CD
10.if you were another person, would you be friends with YOU? yes, i'd hope so
11. Are you a daredevil? um.... um.... yes...
12.Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? maybe...
13. Do looks matter? no
14.Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid? i couldnt tell you what word but i am sure i have
15.Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? science says no, i say yes
16. Do fish have feelings? of course
17. Are you trendy? about half the time
18. How do you release anger? i dance around my room.. to music of course. i have ocassionally screamed into pillows
19. Where are your second homes? tiffany's, meghan's, the hoffert's, my aunt janie's
20. Do you trust others easily? yes
21.What was your favorite toy as a child? sit and spin, barbies, hula hoop, bike
22. What class in school do you think is totally useless? none of them. but math should go after middle school
23. Do you have a journal? i have a writing/drawing book and well this of course
24. Do you use sarcasm a lot? ALL the time
25. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? not really, it was getting close to being one though
26. What do you look for in a boy/girl? funny, talkative, confident, smart and nice to me and all
27. What are your nicknames? emmerbutt, bugger, girly girl, emma, munchkin, and my aunt calls me britney (as in "the spears"
28. Would you ever bungee jump? yes, preferably over water or something
29.Do You Untie your shoes when you take them off? well i usually wear flip flops but.. no
30. Do you think that you are strong? yes, small but strong for my size
31. What's your favorite Ice Cream Flavor? tin roof sundae
32.What's your favorite color? i have two. orange and pink
33. What is your least favorite food? celery
34. How many wisdom teeth do you have? 4.. right?
35. Are you in love with anyone? yes shame he doesnt feel the same. oh and no its not paulo in case you were wondering
36.How many people have a crush on you right now? 1
37. Who do you miss most right now? my aunt, alex, paulo. in that order
38. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? doesn't matter (i got this from an email)
39. What color pants are you wearing? denim jeans
40. What are you listening to right now? christina aguilera. you caught me off guard. her new single is my new guilty pleasure.
41. What are the last 4 digits of your home phone number? the first three.. of the four... are 007 ;)
42. What was the last thing you ate? baby carrot dipped in ranch
43. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? orange
44. How is the weather right now? kinda chilly. no fog or wind or rain or anything
45. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? kasia
46. First thing you notice about the opposite sex? probably the smile.. or hair. hair can be verrrry sexy
47.Do you like the person who sent this? yes, kori is the best
48. How are you today? just fine thanks, you?
49. Favorite drink? water, apple juice
50. Favorite alcoholic beverage? probably a lemon drop margarita
51. Favorite sports? dance, running, soccer, swimming, rock climbing and free style skateboarding, so fun kori ;)
52. Hair color? brown with some of mum's red hair in it
53. Eye color? hazel/green
54. Do you wear contacts? yes
56. Favorite month? april/may
57. Favorite food? veggie burritos and cheesecake
58. Last movies you watched? Love Actually.. really good btw
60. Are you too shy to ask someone out? no
61. Scary movies or happy endings? happy endings
62. Summer or winter? can't say
63. Hugs or kisses? can't say.. sorry not trying to cheat
64. Relationships or one-night stands? relationships
65. Do you want your friends to write back? whatever they want
66. Who is most likely to respond? kori
67. Who is least likely to respond? no one, i dont send it to people who won't
69. What books are you reading? a guide to vegetarianism
71. Favorite board game? Life
72. What did you watch on TV last night? I don't think I watched any! ha! how cool... =o)
73. Favorite smell? nice cologne, candy, gasoline, my face moisturizer, rain and christmas trees
74. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? i want to go back to bed
75. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? no, not really

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||| 42% Schizoid |||||||||| 38% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 62% Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 62% Borderline |||||||||| 34% Histrionic |||||||||||||| 58% Narcissistic |||||||||||||| 58% Avoidant |||||||||||| 50% Dependent |||||||||| 38% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||| 34%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test

Okay...

1- I got a fish. He's cute. His name is Gisuppe Nemo Paulo Sharkbait Jason Mraz Toca Gavin Maroon Steve Bob Randy Irwin.
I don't know, I just couldn't decide.

2- Thanksgiving was nice. Went up to Salem and had dinner at our friends new house. More friends were there as well. I did not however throw the turkey off the backporch. It was too heavy. I also got 3 hours of sleep and went shopping at 5 am the next day. Joy!

3- I haven't been to school in a week. haha, rock on

4- I'm not sick! Yay! hannah is gonna be so disappointed I didn't run the turkey stuffer though.. it wasn't my fault =(

5- well I still don't feel like typing out a whole review of the concert but I shall say that Gavin's set was the best I ever heard. NO it wasn't just his cover of "Let's get it on". Big City Rock was pretty kick ass. Especially when one of the guys whipped out a keytar. pretty fucking awesome. maroon5 was HOT.. good performers, nice playlist oh and um sexy boys.

mmm but the best part was gavin walking up outta nowhere and chatting with only the 6 girlies including 3 of us in front of the venue for a bit. He was holding us the entire time he was so freezing for about 10 minutes and took pictures and such. He went in for soundcheck and when he came back down from the stage and to the bar inside he saw us still there and came out and was talking to only kori, tiff and i. he took more pictures and chatted it up and let me stand inside for 15 minutes to warm up my feet. I was wearing flip flops... what can i say? he was glad to see i still had my toes when i talked to him at the merch booth after the show. ahhhh *sigh* anyways... he's so cute.. he... i love it

6- homework... i have to go

NIGHT

so i am sick and dont have the energy to type out a whole page long thing about the concert. lets just say i have a major crush on gavin degraw now, not that he wasn't a cutie before anyways. yeah i am sick AGAIN. i get sick basically every thanksgiving. i've alway got something wrong going on with my body around the holidays, it's a curse. looks like i cant run the 5 mile turkey stuffer mini marathon anymore now either. i'd probably not be able to breathe after a couple miles. ugh. bad cold, BAD! okay, i need to go be clean, i love showers. and nice shower rainfall heads. yay. nightttttttt

Shopping and Maroon5 and Gavin DeGraw concert today! yay!

Pretty ass song. They better play it tomorrow. Maybe not.. it gets me emotional.. like I need more of that.

"She Will Be Loved"

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Maroon5 and Gavin DeGraw tomorrow. Kyle hated maroon5, psycho, haha.

Tonight was so difficult but I dont wanna talk about the sad stuff. Kyle loved to sing and he was very involved with his church group. So we all sang a little meledy of his favorite songs. When everyone was standing up singing at the top of their lungs and crying.. I dunno.. you could just FEEL him. Like he was wrapped round the room. It was just a beautiful, comforting feeling. I'll probably think of him everytime I sing out loud at the top of my lungs after this. *sings sheryl crow at the top my lungs* hehe. Love you Kyle.

And I have no idea how I forgot to tell you all about this but anyways yesteray Kyle sent us snow. It was raining non stop and right after lunch finished and I was TAing (teacher assistant) for Ms. Joo and Thomas (another exchange student) walked in the class and gave me a puzzled look. "Emily.. does it always snow like that here??.." I jumped up and Ms. Joo just said "go! go! go play in it!" So I got a few friends outta class and Thomas and us all went outside and caught snowflakes on our tongue and went it started building up we made snowballs outta the ice on the cars. So around 4th period the teachers let all the classes out and by then the snow was like and inch on the ground. Everyone just had the best time. It was so great I was about to cry. I know it might seem weird but it really never snows in Oregon, just rains. It was the perfect snow.. light and fluffy. HUGE snowflakes. You could make perfect snowballs and snowmen. Ahhh.. it was awesome. Thank you Kyle, we needed it =o)

night

no homework tonight. yay. kyle's memorial is thursday. not lookin forward to that one =o( love you kyle, sorry i only told you a few times

okay well time for oprah, bye

I am supposed to be doing homework. I am supposed to be sleeping. I am supposed to be taking a shower. I am supposed to be doing a lot of things. But I'll do them tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I will do them. Maybe tomorrow will be easier.. it always gets easier. I just hate learning it this way.

Kyle DeWitt hung himself on friday night after the football game. He killed himself exactly 9 months after Baily Day did. It is too much loss in one year. Kyle DeWitt was my friend, and everyone else's. Almost literally. He had big blue eyes and a even better smile. So I should be doing lots of things but all I can do is cry.

Goodnight. And goodnight Kyle. Say hi to Baily for me.
<3 always, Emily

Your soul is bound to the White Rose: The
Pure.

"I've been waiting in the dark for a long
time, shining my beacon of hope through the
shadow. If you see me, don't you hide your
eyes from me."

The White Rose is associated with purity, honor,
and chastity. It is governed by the goddess
Artemis and its sign is The Cross, or Agape.

As a White Rose, you are a person of your word.
You may have a strong moral code, but
regardless of your virtue, you always stay true
to yourself. To you, love is the most pure of
emotional forms and it's just a matter of
waiting for it to bless you. Some people may
say you are too idealistic, but it's only
because you don't want to mess things up.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

1.Your greatest joy? concerts and friends

2.Your secret fear? that god doesn't exist

3.The best advice you have ever received and from someone? I don't know, sheesh. Probably anything my sister or kevin t. has told me.

4.Your most embarrassing moment? That one time in like 3rd grade when my skirt flew up on the swings on the playground in front of all the cute boys was pretty bad.

5.Your happiest moment? Kissing Jason Mraz was really hot.

6.The biggest turn-on in a man? Nice hair and smell.

7.The biggest turn-off? Big, as in busting out of the skull, ego.

8.The part of your body you like most? My eyes, belly button and ballerina toes.

9.The body part you would change if you had the chance? Does height count?

10.The best book you have ever read? The Divinci's Code was really good. The Lovely Bones and the The Harry Potter series.. great as well.

11.On a second chance, what would be your dream profession? Well right now I am a student so.. almost anything =o)

12.The thing most people do not know about you? I love Justin Timberlake.. slowly being revealed. I was a total depressed mess for a couple years on and off.

13.Your pet peeve? Hypocrites.

14.Your favorite food? El Monterey bean and cheese burritos. 3 minutes in the microwave to protein and vegetarian bliss.

15.The person you most admire? My sister

16.Your secret personality weapon? Reading emotions, being a smart ass when I need to.

17.Your personal credo? Be open minded and treat everyone equally kind.

18.Your irresistible temptation? Neck kisses.

19.The one place you'd like to visit before you die? The world.. I know that's not really a legit. answer but I just wanna see it all.

20.Your most elusive goal? To find love that lasts forever, to love and accept myself unconditionally.

1- Paulo is still hot and is other friends are too(all from Brazil as well). We haven't kissed yet but oh well, lol. It's all a joke. I just love his accent and hair.

2- Homecoming was fun. Danced with Paulo.

3- 6 days to Maroon5 and Gavin DeGraw concert =oD

4- The One I Owe You
Here's to our good times
Here's to the bad
Here's to the chats
and telephone calls
Here's to the smiles
and Here's to the tears
Here's to the love
Here's to life forever
A forever with no regrets

1,2,3,4,5,6.. weird

Night, Emily

PS- I love you Alex.. no the poem is not for him.

Great new changes in my life =o)

1- I met the love of my life... Paulo the hot brazilian exchange student with a hot accent and loves John Mayer *dreamy sigh*

2- I'm a vegetarian now and I feel quite healthy and refreshed all the time. Though sometimes.. it's very hard.. VERY

and this isn't a change but I finally got my tickets for the Maroon5/ Gavin DeGraw and others concert! Tiff and Kori we are gonna rock it =oD

okay goodnight!
Emily

So I saw this in a friend's Blog or Journal or whatever and liked it.

Things I want to do before I die.
*Live in NYC for awhile or forever
*Go to a college and grad school I love
*Get a job I love
*Fall in love again and keep it
*Marry them
*Have kiddies
*get a tattoo
*get a piercing other than my ears
*travel europe
*buy something expensive because I can
*fail horribly at something
*succeed incredibly at something
*go to as many concerts as possible
*do something my parents wouldn't approve of
*be a lead in a ballet
*take more yoga
*write a childrens book
*keep one or two or three life-long friends
*ride a motorcyle
*ride more huge rollercoasters
*learn the guitar and piano much more
*own a diamond
*take a long vacation on a beach
*quit a crappy job I hate
*change someone's life
*be a role model
*skydive
*skip school ALL day
*kiss alex once more
*make sure I tell everyone how much I really love them
*grow a few inches
*be abosultely content with who I am
*stop being so paranoid
*don't cry so much
*go to school in my pajamas
*run ro walk a marathon
*punch someone good and hard
*have a huge ass pillow fight
*watch more sunsets
*make more sand castles
*be a vegetarian for fun
*paint my face for a football game
*dance like no one is watching in utter utopia
*memorize all the presidents
*kiss someone in the rain
*set off a chain of events that even if I don't know it effects people around the world
and that's all I can think of for now.. plus I'm REALLY tired. So goodnight, kisses.

Hi, lol. Well um... so it's been awhile. Sorry, I got real busy when school started. Lots of stuff has been going on and happened but it's too complicated so I'll just forget it and start with today. So today is Tiffany's 18th birthday party.. even though she doesn't turn 18 for two weeks... I am buying her a ticket to the M5 and Gavin DeGraw concert. I'm leaving in about 20 minutes so I guess I'll be going now. I'll write later, I promise.

<3 Emily

Gibson Les Paul Studio Guitar, beautiful


What Type of Guitar Are You
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Okay sorry. It's not just you I've neglected. I haven't seen my friends for very close to a month. Withdrawls are taking place I swear..

Michigan was amazing. My mom's family are the most beautiful, funny, caring, giving, gracious people in the world. They love me so much and I love them in return. My Grandma made it through the trip without having a heart attack or something crazy. She's movin and shakin and still goes up and down the stairs. She looks great for an old broad.

I went camping at Cape lookout. It's way way north up in Oregon about 15 minutes from tillamook on the coast. We only had a 100 yard walk from the beach. The water was warm and the sand was hot and wavy and soft and wonderful. I miss the beach, it's so glorious. I feel the most at peace there with great friends and loving brothers and father. Can't wait to go back..

I went down to Roseburg to stay with my best friend Jessa aka Sally for 5 days. It's a small but nice town where the whole population goes down to the halfshell by the river to listen to the free bands that play once a week. I saw a lot of old friend. Some of them were so different, it was scary. I'd sure the same was thought of me though. I think a lot of my morals came from that town and I'll be thankful for their helping in my young childhood up-bringing forever.

I came home today and found a letter from my goverment honors program. I should have not signed up. I didn't even need the credits. Maybe I'll drop it. Maybe I'll suck it up and prove to myself that I can do things just to make myself proud. I need to learn to do things without motivation. That's not great thing to think about but I'm sure it'll happen. I have to read some short book on the history of goverment and politics and write a precis on it, then turn it in on the first day of school. No, it's not very hard I know, but 9 months of school is enough. It's just gonna suck.

Tiffany told me she is moving a weekend before her 18th birthday. I cannot finish my senior year without Tiffany with me. It would be torture and cause way too much depression. I just can't do it, period! I need her. She is the best friend I have ever had. She taught me how to act my age. 17, I am 17 not 30. I love her. She is a goddess.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Music: David Gray- Lead Me Upstairs
I care little for my body she said
I couldn't care less about my soul
And as she led me upstairs in whispers
My whole summer turned cold

I'll lead you upstairs
I'll lead you upstairs
If you've got no worries
Then I've got no cares
I'll lead you upstairs

I told her people had been talking
About how dark she was inside
She said my hopes are buried in the soil
Deep in the earth outside
And with one twist of the world
She brought me to her side
She asked me for the truth one time
And all I did was lied

I'll lead you upstairs
I'll lead you upstairs
If you've got no worries
Then I've got no cares
I'll lead you upstairs

ignore this i just need to have it somewhere
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am Emmy. Hear me rawr!

If I knew all the words I would write myself out of here. If I was all the colors I would paint you pretty in gold in a picture, so I'm told little sister. -Jason Mraz

"What the heart has had and once owned; it shall never lose" -Henry Ward Beecher

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours; if it doesn't, it never was.

Real loss only occurs when you lose something you love more than yourself.

Liz Phair rocks! I wish Mraz and Phair were playing in a town near me, oh well. Life's not fair! CD's will just have to do =o)

I am Jesse from Maroon 5


How about you? Which Maroon 5 Member are YOU?

This Love


Which Maroon 5 Song are You?
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schizoid


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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lol, Bwhahahahahaha.

EARTH is your chinese symbol!


What Chinese Symbol Are You?
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Innocent


What's your sexual appeal?
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you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
HA, I totally love this one. Couldn't be more right.

You're Exotic Dancer Barbie. You have some moves,
and will do anything for a few bucks. Take it
off girl, but keep it PG-13 please.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
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Well. OOOOOkay then.

I don't believe I've ever wrote about it on here but ya'll should know I watch the reality tv show Paradise Hotel religiously. If any of you have watched it before, I know I am so sorry. It must be the worst of them all. My sister calls it a slutty survivor but after all she watches it too. So I think it must be magice or something. Yeah well anyways, it was on last night and I am so happy! The new guy Keith likes Beau and thinks everyone is just ganging up on him. He also thinks that the rude ass hush hush group should be broken up. Which is good news for Beau. But then Tara the last new girl is hookin up with Beau which mean sI get to stare at his fave two days a week for more and more weeks! I should explain that Beau is the sweetest cutest thing I've ever seen. Oooo I wanna jump him. He's a radio DJ which for a reason unknown to me is a huge turn on. Nice body indeed too... he's probably the silliest boy there too and we all know I love silly boys. Haha well yeah... Paradise Hotel! Rock on!

Oh so, right before I watched Paradise Hotel last night I picked up Michelle Branch's new cd 'Hotel Paper'. I cannot take it out of my cd player. I loved the first cd but she really outdid herself with this one! I'm sure she's only gonna get better. To Michelle: Rock on too!

So I really don't have much to say but with this sunburn I can't wear real clothes or go out in the sun. So I am stuck here at home well all my friends frolick together in the sun and flowers. I did do it to myself though so nm tye above. I shouldn't be complaining. Tiffy was sweet thugh and came over and watched 'Two Weeks Notice' with me while we ate too many cookies. Hugh Grant btw = RAWR. Period. Damn good looking man.

Well okay.. bye.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Bored
Music: Michelle Branch- Hotel Paper (the song not the cd =o)

Okay. Alex drama is over because I decided I don't wanna be miserable. Hope he's happy now.

Anyways I met a cool new guy through my friend Craig. His name's pat, he's a sweety, easy to talk to and he makes me laugh. I think after this sunburn cools down a bit we're gonna go do somethin. It will be bundles of fun. I went to Fall Creek Lake on Monday all day with Tiffany. It was 97 degrees and I think I'm uber cool so all I put on was tanning lotion with SPF four. Well I'm not uber cool and got horribly sunburned. I am standing here typing because it hurts too much to sit... oopsie. I'll be good in a few though.

One week from today I am going to fly to Michigan for my Grammie's 90th Birthday! We'll be there for about a week and a half I believe. I really can't wait. Going back to Michigan makes me so happy. And it'll be even greater this time because ALL of my mom's family is coming. I love my extended family more than anything. They just make me feel real nice inside, ya know? =o) There will be a couple very pregnant cousins and lil second cousins running around that I've never even met yet. The oldest one is 5! It's been such a long time since we've all got together. I can't wait to see my Aunt Janie. She's the absolute most amazing lady ever. Eek, YAY! Ooo, wait.. they're all gonna have heart attacks when I tell them I'm not dancing anymore! Wow, I should try and tell some of them before I actually see them in person. Man, I hadn't though of this until just a few seconds ago. Well, they should understand more than my family I have to live with here.

In about a month in a half I will be starting my SENIOR year in HS and this will be my last summer of HS. I don't even know what school I'd like to go to or what I wanna do! It was all about ballet until about a half a year ago. I am so lost now. I mean I wanna be close to NYC or in it. But I might have to spend a year here at the U of O. Which wouldn't be horrible because most my friends are staying close to home. It'll just be like another year with them. Geez. I really have to sit down and think about this all sometime. Everything just seemed like a blur up to this point and suddenly I have all these decisions to make. I'm totally overwhelmed already, lol. I am a worrier when it comes to things like these. BBB, breathe baby breathe ;o)

Well I have to go take a painful shower (no for sunburns =o() and then get dressed. Wearing normal clothes sunburned is the worst! I will live though eh?
Love and Peace and Ice cream
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Content but in pain
Music: Celine Dion- Power of Love.... lol, I'm sorry. I really am sucker for the dreadfully cheesy love songs. Don't hate; appreciate. =o)

More Jason Mraz Info Here

I'm spendin the night at Tiffy's house. Yay!

Love. awww...you just LOVE bunnies and rainbows and
lollypops! just try not to mention all in the
same setence, as it tends to make people
slightly ill.


What Emotion are you?
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You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.


What feeling do you represent?
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Threat rating: High. The Bush administration is
concerned that it may not get a second term.
Therefore, we are going to change the rules so
that each Democrat vote only counts as 0.2
votes because Democrat is a shorter word than
Republican


What threat to the Bush administration are you?
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You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.


What Kind of Smile are You?
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ALEX IS THE BIGGEST MOTHERFUCK ALIVE. I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN. WAY TOO MUCH.

I'm gonna go cry now or something

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY! *FIREWORKS-BOOM-BANG-POW-BANG-CRACK*

I KISSED ALEX THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY

the madness begins.. =o)

I thought this was cool. Someone posted this at the Jason Mraz message board. Makes me feel kinda nice inside

scene: Manhattan, Soho area, Three Years Ago.

A little wacky, not necessarily homeless woman (known asALWNNHW::
"Hey lady."

me ((also a little wacky, definitely not homeless---known as MAALWDNH::
"yes, ma'am"

ALWNNHW: "Hey lady. Did you know if you look up at night there are stars there?"

MAALWDNH: "Sure did. Love 'em. Look at them every night."

ALWNNHW: "Yeah but did you also know we OWN those stars?"

MAALWDNH: "Negative. I did NOT know that. All of them?"

ALWNNHW: (huge, exasperated sigh): "No lady. Not ALL of them. That's greedy. You're greedy. Greed is a sin."

MAALWDNH: "You're absolutely right. That is greedy. And I have enough sins to worry about. Go on."

ALWNNHW: "We all own ONE star. Everyone. Not just you. Or me. Everyone gets one. So everyone has one, no matter who they are."

MAALWDNH: "Damn. Really? How do I know which one is mine?"

ALWNNHW: "Don't curse. That's a sin too."

MAALWDNH: "Sorry. But that one I'm not giving up. I'm too good at it."

ALWNNHW: "Fine. You'll go to hell. What do I care? The stars. You can't know which one is yours. It's not up to you to decide. It's destined when you're born. Ok. There is ONE easy way to know which one is yours."

MAALWDNH: "Really, an easy way? Would you please tell me? I'll reconsider the whole cursing thing."

ALWNNHW: "You should. Hell is not a happy place. The star that is yours is right next to the one that belongs to the person you're destined to be in love with forever."

MAALWDNH: "Whoa. Heavy. So how do I find that person so I can find my star?"

ALWNNHW: (big grin, lacking two teeth) "That, lady, is the hard part."


Maybe she was a little wacky, but when I think about it...I'm not sure how crazy this actually is

Oh, this really happened to the young lady.

Alright my bad. Not total rejection. He was acting like and ass for a couple days after I told him because his friend was over and I kind of threw it on him suddenly and he panicked and didn't know what to say back. Anyways he came over a few days after and apologized. He said he didn't know how he felt about me and that it would be hard for him to have a girlfriend or even be close to anyone right now. That sounds like BS but it's not. He might be moving to medford, his dad is having serious heart issues at a young age, he just broke up with Sharla and no one is buying his dirtbike which he needs in order to buy his streetbike. Then he gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me we'll see. Okay that happened but it's now further progressed. I am kinda freaking out because we are just digging ourselves into a big hole. I know exactly how I feel and decided that a relationship before he moves would be worth it. He's figured out he definitely has feelings for me but doesn't quite know what to do with them and I told him he needs to decide if he'd risk it too. At this point it's kinda all on him. But before that conversation went on he showed up at like 1 am and I let him in my window. We sat and talked for a bit about normal friends stuff and then we just ran out of things to say I guess and we almost kissed but I completely freaked and made him leave. I only did that because before we had the concersation before this he had always been joking about getting ass and that he wouldn't get into anything with a girl before he moved. But then I found out he had actual feelings for me. I mean if he really wanted ass he could get it elsewhere right? I think his head said no, no dating before you move, if you do and his heart just said KISS HER! lol... Mine wanted to but my brain is very overpowering... that's not good at all.. in my opinion. I really am gonna work on that. Well, I am going to his house tonight or tomorrow and decided if what happened the night he came to my window at 1am happens again I am just gonna kiss him and who cares. Even if he hurts me when he moves away he wouldn't do it intentionally. He's one of my bestest friends and we're already close so I figure even if this doesn't work out we'll still be just fine. Wish me luck.

The Mraz concert I missed on 6/26. Man I was about in tears sitting at alex's house scanning pictures thinking about it. But apparently he only did a 8 song setlist and half he sang with other people. It got mixed reviews. Although he played unfold, pianoman and common pleasure all of which I'm dying to get a recorded copy of. Next time right? Stil have madddddddddd love for Jason. He's so soulful and cheery. Just love him to death.

Okay and comments are down but hopefully they'll work out the glitch and they'll be up and working again soon.

OH YEAHHHH! We got our new puppy. She's living with us full time. Gabby, aww =o) Sweetest dang thing. I'l scan pictures later on.

Toodles and Peace
Emily
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Nervous/ Anxious
Music: Saliva- Rest in Pieces <--Good!

I hate rejection.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Music: Gavin DeGraw- Lay me on the water

Which [Finding Nemo] characters are you?

Aww =o) This is the cutest, funniest animated movie yet. I loved it! The baby turtles = precious and Dory was the sweetest, innocent thing!

Alright, I happen to know Alex doesn't read this blog and will make sure he never does. So for all who don't know, Alex, other than Jerry, is my only other guy best friend. Jerry lives in Japan, fun huh? No I miss him oodles. Anyways, I have completely fallen madly in love with Alex. Maybe not love, I'm sure any adult would tell me it's not. Let's just say I love everything thing he does and says and care about him a lot. There are a few problems though. Number one he has a girlfriend, number two he is moving to Medford this summer, well probably, and number three I don't know if he wants more from our friendship as well. I get mixed messages from him. Alex and I went to a movie together last night (don't ever watch Head of State no matter how funny you think Chris Rock is) and I had been thinking about telling him how I feel but he was giving off the worst vibe. Maybe he was just having a bad day, I'm not sure. Other times, like when we are just goofing around at each other's houses he acts like he could spend his whole god damn life with me. I don't know what to do with him. He scares me because I never cry over boys, stress over boys, ect. They have to be something alright for that to happen. I am determined to tell him how I feel about him very soon though. I know I'm scared of rejection and losing his friendship if he doesn't feel the same. That definitely makes it very difficult. But if I don't do it.. I might lose out on a wonderful relationship and him. It doesn't matter what happens though because if we're as good as friends as I think we are this wouldn't ruin us. Besides: "It doesn't matter that he doesn't love me back; because I love him and it is a gift I give. That is all that matters" -Unknown

School's out for summer! Well it has been since wednesday...

I need to go buy my dad something for Fathers Day tomorrow.

Toodles

Oh PS- You can now give me advice, yell at me, pity me or whatever you choose about the Alex situtation in shout outs =o)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Mellow
Music: Barry White- Let's get it on, Ha ;o)

Hey everyone, see the "Shout Out" link at the end of my posts? They're comments! You can talk to me now, lol. Wait.. does anyone read this? Oh well.

Which BRAND NEW song are you?

PS- Our garden is blooming, and looks yummy and wonderful! Yay Nature!

8 days, well not as long as I thought it had been. Ya know, I never ended up writing a review for the Jason shows. And my pictures are still not scanned. So maybe I let you down but they'll be up and I'm not gonna rush it. I'm just gonna let it be my night. I'm gonna devour it and take it in because I am most happy there. Most happy crowded in a small room full of people singing the same thing I am. With an mazing musician on stage, soothing and healing my heart. Where I close my eyes and feel every word he's singing and when I open them back up he's slightly smiling at me. And I know he's most happy up there too. Everyone in the whole room's hearts are lifted and are at peace with everything. Nothing to worry about, nothing to think about. Just you, the music, the lights, Jason, and your thoughts. It makes me so happy, so happy. I think that I want to be involved in music in one way or another as a career. I want everyone else to have the feeling, that feeling of nirvana even just for a few hours. I'd be even happier to know they are feeling that way.

I thought I wanted to be the prima ballerina, oh and I could have been her. I love dance so much, I loved dance so much. But it didn't make me happy. I know it didn't, it caused me too much pain. And if I want to do something, it shouldn't make me tired, depressed, jealous and critical. I judged myself so much. One wrong placement of the foot and I was scum. I want to be able to make mistakes. But cutting back came with more judgement. Just this time not from myself. It seemed the whole world was ashamed of me. Everything fell apart even more. But I guess they forgave and forgot and I tried to move on. Last tuesday I walked out of the studio for my last time. I wasn't sure if it would at the time but I know now that it was. Last night I sat at the computer writing a paper about Ghana and a friend I hadn't talked to in awhile IMed me. I then proceeded to spill out everything I had been feeling about ballet and about maybe how I regretted quiting. And he told me two things I'd like to quote. "Sometimes you aren't sure you need something until it's gone" and "You are only a quiter if you quit at what you want to do". And for the rest of the night those thoughts consumed my every brain cell. And before the time I was about to get into my big, warm bed my opinions had made a complete turn around. I wanted ballet again because I believed that quiting made everyone else believe that I was a failure and that I had no will. Well guess what, it doesn't matter how they feel. I do things for me. When it comes down to it, there's you and only you and you have to do things for you. I do not NEED ballet, I do not WANT ballet. And I am NOT a quiter because I am quitting what I don't want to do. That just makes me a stronger person. So for now I may be lost but I am young. And I have so much time, to find something that I love. Something I can do freely with passion and devotion. Something I can smile while doing. I don't know what it is but I'll find it, I'm sure.

So I think Kevin deserves a thank you. He is so wise and smart. But not just him, because I am blessed with the best friends to walk the earth. They also, make me happy. They make me laugh and smile. They support me and encourage me. They test me too. I learn things from them everyday. And my little brother is so cute, he is always growing and always laughing. He is responsible and intelligent and he doesn't know it but he is going to make a great husband and father and friend. I wish them all kisses and hugs and sunshine and blue skys and good music and a full, bright life. Today the sun is shining and the air is fresh and clean. There are 3 days left of school. And I can see my future and it's going to be wonderful. I just feel fucking lucky and joyous. I wanna run and dance and fly. And I will =o)

At your service,
Emily
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Happy
Music: Jason Mraz- Who needs shelter

Best weekend of my LIFE. No joke, I am so marrying Jason Mraz. He OWNED the damn place. I will write a review when I get my pictures. Night!

SOOO much going on. I'll write a whole lot on.. monday? I think.. <3

Baily, I miss you so much. 3 months.. it's crazy how time goes by.. even when you may not be having fun. I just want to say Hi and I wonder how you're doing? I hope it's well, we're getting better down here. It's weird saying "down here" and "up there". It's like another kick in the ass that you're not even in the same world as us anymore. Ya know on Saturday and Sunday I get to go see Jason Mraz in concert, two concerts, fun huh? Well.. I hope you're kinda there with me, I miss rocking out with you to music. If you were here, you know I so would have taken you. Thought that counts right? Hey I also have a favor to ask boy.. see my friend Steven wasn't online today at all and I have this sinking feeling in my stomach that it's because his great uncle might have died today. He's been very sick the past week or so I guess. So.. could you meet him up there? Show him the works =o) Make sure he knows how much he is loved? Remember how loved you are too Baily. Everyone misses you too much.. I really really wish.. that you hadn't died, and that no one here has to cry, and that I didn't have to write you in my journal. Notes you'll probably never get.. well maybe you will.. god works in strange ways. I hope you see these. But.. truthfully and painfully.. you are gone and I'll never get you back.. it sucks.. so much.. Hard to understand and explain just writing on a keyboard. It makes breaking up with a boy and "losing them" seem a lot less trivial, then losing someone you love forever.. well physically. I feel you sometimes, I know its you, like when I was laying out side today on the hammock.. But I love you Baily and for you: "What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose" -Henry Beecher. Night Baily, rest well, only 17 more minutes western time till it's been 3 months, 1 day since we buried you. I hope you wanted to be buried, not cremated, but I hate the morbid stuff.. none of that. Night B.
<3, Emily

I have some of the best friends. On friday Kasia and Kori came home with me. It was nice out too so we walked back from school. When we got home we decided to eat top ramen raw, lol. We went out in my family room and put on music and were chatting about something and real suddenly Kori said something hilarious, evidently, because I didn't hear it, and Kasia sprayed a mouth full of top ramen all across the floor. Later on Alex and Kevin came over and these boy are just too funny, I didn't stop laughing until they went home. Craig came over shortly after that, oh yeah Tiffany too, lol. It started raining but we wanted more people over so we went running over to Rachels house, just screaming her name in the pooring rain, 7 of us, we knew what street she lived on, which is like two down from me but we didn't know her actualy address. About halfway down the street she opens the door and just gives us the weirdest look. Turns out she was waiting for Janessa so we ran all the way back home in the rain and told her to meet us with Janessa at the bowling alley later on. We got back to my house and put in The Fast and The Furious. So Alex and Kevin and Craig decide to be cars and we all jumped on their backs as the drivers and ran around the house, lol. We looked so.. stupid =o) It got to be 8:30 and so we all got in the car and went over to the bowling alley. And guess who was there?!?!?! A WHOLE HELL ALOTTA PEOPLE! Corey and Bill and Toni and Emmy, I had invited them all but they all said they had dates that night and their dates just happened to be at the bowling alley, lol. Doug, Dustin, Royanna, and Ryan were all there too. Then to make it even better about half way through the two games we played HALF OF THE U OF O BASKETBALL DUCK TEAM shows up. I was about to scream and run in circles! Then Kasia and I plotted on how we'd lure the big black males into our car to take hoem for the night lol. There were a couple people sitting up at the counter watching them though, so no one coudl go say anything to them. I was very tempted to just go sit down next to Luke Jackson and just act like I wasn't doing a thing wrong.. Well that was fun but then we came back and played this fun little game called commando raid. Basically about half of us get in cars and the other half has this starting point and we have to make it to a safe which is like a mile away with out one of the cars driving by us and catching us. Well I almost their, Kevin and I had teamed up and we heard a car coming so we jump into a bush and just as it is drving by Kevin throws, literally throws me, out onto someones lawn. So Alex saw me but it was fair because I told him where Kevin was and he got him too. By then it was about midnight and everyone went home but anywhoooooooo, really good times. I love my friends.... and... hot basketball players.

Today I woke up at 11:30 and went outside to plant our whole vegetable garden. It's gpnna be so nice. We have the nicest backyard. It's my favorite "room" in the house. Maybe I can get some pictures of it up for anyone who reads this... My dad just set up the hammock out there too. I love our hammock =o) I love my puppy dog too. She turned 9 year old on Thursday, we bought her a little squeaky thing! She loves it. Now I'm just.. chillin... listening to music, talking to friends online.. Sooo, I think I am gonna go lay in the hammock... Toodles! Peace <3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Content
Music: Jason Mraz- The Remedy
ONE WEEK TO JASON MRAZ CONCERT! *Falls over dead*

More Jason Mraz Info Here

I had so much fun today (yesterday)! I'm tired though so I'll be back on to write tomorrow! Night!

Did you know from 1996 to 2002, Emily has been the most popular over all girls names in the USA. Weird...

Wow.. haven't a few things happened? It's been a week, a busy one. In a good way though, there was prom, my birthday, lots of friends, good new music, one week closer to Jason Mraz, lol. So prom was on Saturday and it was FUN!!! Jared looked very very nice. Yep, yummy. I loooove those blue eyes. I went over to Larissa's house to get ready with her and she pulled my hair back into a low classy bun, simple but pretty. I put hers half up with lots of curls. Then we had our big poofy dresses, her's was blue.. I think I told you about mine. Yup, Lissa kept calling us "hot momma's" and kept insisting I wasn't pregnant lol. She's a sweetie pie. Then we watched some tv on the big couch in our big dresses until our dates came. Jared had his camero and Skyler had a nice car too, don't know what it was but it was nice. Well we went out to this yummy thai food place it was very pretty and private. So it was then off to the dance. The hotel was just gorgeous and we had a great dj with lots of stands you could get up and dance on. Tiffany and I got up on one together at one point and guys started throwing money at us and other girls on the other platforms! lol It was horrible but funny. The teachers had them stop that though, haha. So yes that was scary and we hoped off and continued to have fun with our dates. It ended at 12 but we went to an after party at Tony's house. I told myself I wouldn't but I had 2 and kinda a half beers. Since I don't tolerate it much I got a lil wooooozy. Jared made me stop and took me back to Tiff's, no I was not going to go home to my parents drunk, lol. Well it was embarrassing but Jared was sweet and gave a peck good night and sent me off to bed. I felt bad and apologized on monday but he said it was perfectly fine. Hmm okay so my birthday was yesterday. I am 17! yay! I am going to get my license next week. I got my permit a year late too. Whoever controls the weather really likes me because it was the nicest it had been all year. It was 73 degrees and I wore a skirt! lol I haven't worn one all year. I thought it would suck to have a birthday when I had school but I guess it's nice.. everyone is so lovely towards you and you get to spend all day with your best friends. I got flowers, junior mints, two shirts, a hair straightener, a jason mraz hat, 50$ to wet seal, a cool travel book of NYC from my sister, a sweatshirt and the concert in 11 days is a present. I have very nice friends and family. Nice day all and all. Now I discovered a new band. Kinda punkish emo stuff. They are called The Early November. You can check them out at or . I really encourage it. Well I'm out.. someone dies on Dawson's Creel tonight!!! =o( Toodles!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Happy
Music: The Early November- Sunday Drive

More Jason Mraz Info Here

I am really sorry I haven't been posting. School has been keeping me so busy. Well no worries on that math test. I got 101%. I don't know these crazy math skills are coming from, I love my parents but.. they are not math people. I was in the best mood yesterday. Tiffany and I went running for an extra while and it was just lovely out. We ran into a lady painting on her easel and a little baby pupy golden lab. We stopped to play with him and he gave us puppy kisses, it just made my day. Nellie, my doggie, well she may be 9 years May 15th but she'll do just fine. Dogs are the creatures on earth that love you more than themselves. I think pets are just amazing, if humans loved each other as unconditionally as dogs do this earth would have achieved nirvana. I watched this cool video in geography in today about buddhism and how they strive to reach absolute peace or "nothing-ness". Very cool religion, I think it'd be hard for me though. We're probably too active of a society to find the time these monks do to practice their beliefs, not that that is a bad thing. Today pretty much sucked though, nice eh? I know others that have it worse though. *kisses to mandy, janie, laci, kevie and anyone who needs one* Can I complain anyways? Okay I won't go into much detail but its that damn time of the damn month again and I have major cramps, Laci came to visit my sister today and supposedly she is still a mess about Baily, that's completely understandable of course, I got about 3 hours of sleep last night, I have a couple papers due at the end of the week, some dude called me autistic, I was just trying to be happy and hyper, he needs to get a life. Is that it? I think so. Back to good things though, I really shouldn't recall the horrid events of the day. My birthday is in 6 days and prom is saturday. I'm going with Jared. He is a cute lacrosse player and he has these crystal clear light blue eyes.. lordie.. sexy eyes. He has a wonderful camero and dinner reservations all made out for us. The dance is at the nicest hotel around here too. It's gonna be hella fun. My dress is just gorgeous too. It's a strapless black thing but has thes two angled white stripes at the bottom... it's not silky and hangy either it poofs. Classy looking. I love it. I hope Jared just wears a traditional tux and doesn't go all ruffly with a blue suit kinda deal. He's not really like that though so I just won't worry. Would be funny though... Well I need to go take a shower and make myself feel clean.. lol. Toodles, Peace<3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Eh..
Music: The Early November- Come Back. These guys kick ass, check them out at

More Jason Mraz Info Here

I LOVE this song. You MUST listen.

The Weakness in Me
I’m not the sort of person
Who falls
In
And quickly
Out
Of love
But to you I gave my affection
Right from the start

I have a lover
Who loves me
How could I break such a heart
Yet still you get my attention

Why do you come here
When you know I've got troubles
Enough
Why do you call me
When you know
I can’t answer the phone
Make me lie
When I don’t want to
And make someone else
Some kind of unknowing fool

You make me stay
When I should not
Are you so strong
Or is all the weakness in me
Why do you come here
And pretend
To be just passing by
But I mean to see you
And I mean to hold you
Tightly

Feeling guilty
Worried
Waking from some tormented sleep
This old love has me bound
But the new one cuts deep

If I choose now
I’ll lose out
One of you has to fall
And I need you
And you

by Joan Armatrading

Today was PERFECT outside and I went running for a long time with Tiff. It was nice. But now I am sooo tired again.. and I have a math test tomorrow. No stressing, no stressing. Ohhhhhhhhh. That was a big sigh. Gosh.. nothing to talk about... Well okay... I am gonna go. Toodles
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Tired, Down
Music: Nick Drake- Pink moon

More Jason Mraz Info Here

I am so tired today, literally. But ya know I'm also tired of school. I hate the stress. I think HS is just enough education, and I'm not even done with it yet. I mean I like to learn but 5 days a week, couple papers a week. Just gets to be a lot. I missed Gilmore Girls tonight and I miss Kev. I am talking to Toni and she said that he todl her he's leaving tomorrow. April 30th, which also happens to be the one year aniversary of Vanessa Carlton's first album, Be not Nobody. Which is kinda ironic because I met Kevin and Toni through VC's MB. Well anyways I feel worse for Toni because she actually lived in the city there with him. Oh yes and remember how I am going to Michigan this summer? Okay well Mandy is moving before I come and I might get to stay in NYC for a few days after Michigan and well Kevin will be gone too. I could go visit Toni though! And David Hart! Kaycee was my first girl when I moved here and she is moving away in the summer I think. Why is everyone leaving me? All the my senior friends are graduating this year... that's like half my friends. Dear Lord what am I gonna do??? I wanna cry! I really miss ballet too! Gahhhh life sucks right now =o( *sniffles*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: SAD
Music: Some pretty slow song I found on the computer that my older sister downloaded. I think it might be pink floyd..

Ryan Stiles


Which 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' actor are you!?
brought to you by Quizilla
Well this made me laugh =o)

More Jason Mraz Info Here

Mondays normally horrible but I found out I have the highest grade in my math class! Woohooooooo! Mr. B must love me! Eww wait..... bad thoughts, bad thoughts... let's throw those away! I am so happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! 27 and 1/4 days until... JASON MRAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





What month should you have been born in?

this quiz was made by Erin






Are you British?

this quiz was made by Erin

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: HAPPY
Music: Jason Mraz- You and I Both
Mraz Concert: 27 and 1/4 days!

What Sign of Affection Are you and this new one have been my favorite quizzes so far

Sunset - You are the spark of inspiration, the fuel
of the imagination, and the essence of
destruction. You are one of intense emotion
and passion, a creator and a destroyer.


When are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sorry I haven't been writin' much lately but there's nothing to write about, except school. And who wants to hear about school? Well I'll write about what's goin' in the hizzouze anyways. I'm such a dork.. I went bowling with Craig, Alex and Kevin last night! Ma boys! I SUCK at bowling. But that's okay they are so entertaining. Especially Kevin he made just about pee my pants. See I haven't talked to Kevin since about last school year and before Kev showed up Craig told me that Kevin he liked me. After we were done Kevin told me we should go do something together and that'd he call me. That's a date right? I hope so.. I think it's cool because I like/liked this guy also named Kevin but it'd never ever ever everrrrr work out but now I have a Kevin that could work out, lol. When I got home last night I fell asleep after Letterman in the family room and missed maroon5 =o( DAMNIT! But I woke up at 5 am and still being in my sleep state was like "woooooooooow, why am I not in my room?" It was freaky!

Today was a nice day too. WET SEAL FINALLY OPENED IN THE MALL! Woooooo hoooooooo! It is soooo cute! So I got two pairs of pants and two shirts. CUTE CUTE CUTE! Then later on I went out to this yummy restaurant with my family except my little brother. Well we were dropping my sister off at her apt, and my older brother ran up to use her bathroom and grab a few dvds. When he was leaving she handed him a beer and told him to bring it down there and open it in the car. Well he got in and was shwoing them the movies he got and with his free hand opened the beer and took a drink. They didn't even notice so he handed it up to me and then they noticed and spazzed out. Dan told them what Jane said and my mom laughed it off but my dad was all pissed, lol. It was just hilarious. What's even better is my sister is only 20, so she really shouldn't have beer in there anyways. Guess What? I get to go meet Sharla, Alex's new girlfriend tomorrow. Well it's kinda scary though because I have to entertain her for awhile.. Alright I am gonna go watch SNL. Peace and Toodles <3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Upset, arguing with a friend
Music: John Mayer- Daughters

More Jason Mraz Info Here

HAPPY EASTER! I got Jason Mraz's two live cd's in my basket! The easter bunny gone done good this year.. Wee!

So this is a poem I wrote for Baily last night when I couldn't sleep. No Title.. Let's call it... Baily ;o)

Sweet Baby Baily
Two Months you've been gone
and we all know that is far too long
Can I have one more hug?
Oh Lord I'd hold you ever so tight
Sense you breathing
Your heart beating
A kind of closure
All is right
A smile and a farewell
I could let you go to god then
and in his mighty house there'd you dwell
On my knees
Oh you were only seventeen
Take care of you
I beg him please
I know he will, he must
He has snatched you away for a reason
So in you and him
I shall always trust
But I think I have the right..
To miss a few things
Our rockout sessions
And the pee-your-pants homemade movies late at night
And when two more months come
the memories will still linger
I fear my question and doubts will still be here
But I know that the skies will begin to clear
You will hold my head up
to peer through the wispy clouds
And there I will find
My answers
My comfort
My solitude
Then you..
My sweet Baily,
My Dear
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Mellow
Music: Jason Mraz- Absolutely Zero

More Jason Mraz Info Here

So it's official. Tiffany can go with me to the Mraz concert and tickets are ordered. I have to pick them up will call though. I hate will call it sucks and make me nervous. Really nervous.. Well anyways it's okay because they ended up being only 30.00 for two tickets on jasonmraz.com and it was close to 40.00 on fastixx. I'm starting to do lots of street team things for the site though. You get free things and perks and such. Man I am so excited for this concert. Weeeeeeeeeee. He is the BEST. Maybe if I see him before the show I'll tell him it's my birthday present and he'll sing me happy birthday! lol I guess I should go though. I am going to a friend's baseball game. Oh and I saw John again but we just Hello. Toodles and Peace
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Happy and Nervous
Music: Jason Mraz- Tonight not again

More Jason Mraz Info Here

Today was a nice day. It rained but I didn't mind. I guess you get used to it living here. I like the rain half the time anyways, expecially when I am going to bed, puts me to sleep. Remember that John guy I told you about? Yeah well um, embarrassing.. I was sitting around at lunch with some friends and John walks by. So Kasia's stupid ass boyfriend yells at him to come over here and goes on about how much I like him and such. Which btw he already knew because Mali told him but in a not so mean kind of way. Well he just said something like, "I know" then he smiled at me trying to make me not feel so bad. Grr at Dale! >=o) But he kept talking to me and I enjoyed his company. I really do like him. He is just really really nice and stimulating to talk to. That's always the best, stimulating and easy going conversation. I hate those awkward silences. I heard they can be good but I don't believe it.

Jason Mraz

So his concert is in 1 month and 9 days. New countdown! I hate 7 weeks left of school at the end of this one. Those 5 weeks up to the concert are gonna go by so fast. Then I only have 2 weeks of school left after. Yay for summer! I can't wait! I love the free time! Oh but wait.. I have to get a job and my drivers license this summer! Oh dear... eek. I don't wanna kill anyone or myself. I am skurred. But I must...

Well Okay I am going to go.. Toodles and Peace <3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Tired
Music: Gavin DeGraw- Follow Through
http://www.gavinsounds.com

This was posted on the VCMB by sweetdang and I found it really beautiful

True Friendship; An excerpt

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answer. I can't change your past with all its heartache and pain, or the future with its untold stories. But I can be there now when you need me to care. I can't keep your feet from stumbling. I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall. Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine. Yet, I can share in your laughter. Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge. I can only support you, encourage you, and help you when you ask. I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship, from your values, from me. I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you. I can't give you boundaries, which I have determined for you. But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself. I can't keep your heart from breaking or hurting. But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place. I can't tell you who you are. I can only love you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Mellow
Music: John Mayer- Why Georgia

First it rained then there was a thunder and lightning storm. *Squeals* It made me so happy!!

It's been awhile eh? Sorry, I had a busy couple weeks with school. Monday marks a new term, yoga first period! Woop woop! Okay.. well the reason I was so happy before is because the day of the Maroon5 concert I get an email from Mandy telling me that JASON MRAZ is going to be playing here May 25th. My birthday is May 13th so it'll be one of my presents. I an so excited about it I can hardly stand it! I just love him to pieces. He is the best acoustic guitar boy to walk the earth yet. I could hug him and love him forever and ever =o)

Now the Maroon5 show... It rocked my fucking socks more than I thought it would! They played for an hour, from 8 to 9. They are ten million times better live. Adam, the vocals, has this really cool stage presence and they all act like brothers, so fun so fun. They played my favorite song of theirs, along with she will be loved, sunday morning last. It made me teary! It was soooo prettyful. And when they were playing Harder to Breathe everyone was signing along and jumping around. Wee! So guster came on and I watched them for about 45 minutes then left early to go find M5. I would have stayed because guster is good stuff but if I had stayed for them the whole time I wouldn't have had time to meet M5. Well I went outside and well there he is right there, James. I walked up to him and talked with him and such. He signed my cd and laughed with me. He is very cool. I asked him if he'd help me find the other guys. He told me to wait there and I sat outside for like 15- 20 minutes, lol. It was well worth it though, he came back and said "come on" and he leads me to THEIR BUS. He gestured for me to come in and I almot DIED. I swear it, I almost died. Well somehow I shuffled onto it. And yep.. there they are were... it was like the floodgates of heaven opened, haha. I am standing next to James and he opens the door to the drivers area to the living area and they are all just.. there. It was dreamy =oD I talked to them about the tour and some of their songs and thanked them for the awesome show. Jesse, Mickey, Adam and Ryan all signed my cd too. I have Adam's sn so whenever he gets on AIM I beg him to come to oregon and I told him that girl was me. He laughed and thought that was cool. I think I might have scared him ;o) Then I got HUGS, HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSS from all of them. I gave Ryan an extra big huge one. He has the sweetest! Ryan is their drummer, the guy other than Jason Mraz that I want to marry. Well Anyways I eventually left, I wish I could have hung out with them allll night. When I got out to my sisters car I started like screaming and spazzing out and getting extremely hyper. She couldn't get me to breathe it seems. But when I was in the bus with them I got all calm, they made me feel very comfortable. So it's now official not only are Maroon5 so talented and mind blowing, they are very cool nice genuine and DROP DEAD SEXY guys. It was a awesome time just rocking out and meeting the guys. I hope I get to do it again. Matter of fact they will be playing for matchbox20 on June 3rd here I believe. I should def. go!

Guess what? I have a cold.. it sucks! Peace <3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Sick but Good
Music: The Early November- I want to hear you sad
Maroon5 Concert: Over and Done with! =o( But it rocked! =o)

THIS IS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE YETTTTTTTTTTT

OMG OMG OMG I CAN'T BREATHE

NO IT'S NOT JUST THE MAROON5 SHOW

OMG I G2G I'LL EXPLAIN TOMORROW. AFTER THE SHOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

<3 THE HAPPIEST EMILY ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

Woah. Okay I just realized something, ironic and kinda creepy. Baily was buried February 19th, 2003. This war started March 19th, 2003. I wonder what he would think of this war. I don't think he would approve. You have been gone for 1 month, 2 weeks and 4 days. It doesn't seem that long. Really, it only feels like a week or so. I miss you Baily *heaven hugs* Love you.

MAROON5 CONERT.. TOMORROW.. TOMORROW!! I can't say anymore.. it is going to fuckin' rock.

Also. JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS. In Michigan we are going to go to my grandma's house for her 90th birthday. Well my sister, Jane, she is 20, is leaving from there a few days early to go where? NYC. Yeah that's right. My dream home/vacation place. She was there last christmas too. She saw the big tree be lit up. Now she is going again for a few days. But it gets better, after that she is leaving to EUROPE. She will be there for a month or two just all over the place with her best friends. I am so insanely jealous. I can barely stand it. I want to be there so bad. At least a visit. Something...

I have been thinkin about so much lately. Too much. I make myself sad because it seems that everytime I try to think about things everything sad and troubling comes up. I mean there is always good stuff too but the blah stuff overpowers the yay stuff.

Oh yeah just a very quick bit on my theories. Well I was diagnosed with clinical depression at just 12. Only a few people know that. I don't tell people because I am scared it would well scare them away. That's actually happened, with a boyfriend, after that I didn't tell anyone else. See I became obsessed with ballet around 8 or so and you know if you are a dancer and you have to be perfect at it it can throw you into deep depression. 12-13 was my worst though. Man I was bad. I wanted to quit ballet then but I just couldn't do it. I found healing in music and other things so by about now I am fine. Really I am a happy gal. I don't think it's there anymore. Well.. I cut down on ballet last year. That must be it. But I miss ballet, that's what I don't get. I won't start again. I know what it'd do to me. Well actually it could have gotten me a full ride at juilliard. But hey.. that's not anything big ;o) Okay, yeah it is.. =o( So with all the things that have been going on in the world and in my life I thought I might be sinking back in. It feels different this time though. Either something in my life is missing or I am manic depressive, also known as bi-polar. I am so up and down, up and down, up and down. Sometimes it's over a period of a week sometimes it's just within the hour my mood will completely change. I just don't know. I guess I will have to just figure things out myself... I'll get there. I have a lot of things to work on..

Is it true you have to love yourself before you can truly love another? email me about it please, anyone. superfly12345@hotmail.com Peace Night<3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Kinda Blah
Music: Dave Matthews Band- Everyday
Maroon5 Conert: ONE DAY =o)

Yesterday was pretty too! I washed cars and went on a walk and just messed around outside all day. It's not as heavenly today but my period is gone and I'm clean and smell good. Yeah but today is also my last day of spring break. It's quite depressing. I don't care what those grown up people say, HS is not and will never be the best days of my life. I really should get around to talking about once again my crazy bi-polar depression theories but I'm not going to, not today. Ooo yes, I re-organized and moved stuff around and cleaned my room saturday night. I mean it was 11pm or so. I am so weird. I love love to clean at night. I could stay up all night and sleep all day. But then I'd miss a lot of stuff huh? Like school hehe. I think I am going shopping now.. sorry I haven't been writing lots. toodles and peace <3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Mellow
Music: Jason Mraz- The remedy
Maroon5 Concert: 3 DAYSSSS!

It is the most beautiful day! It's just so wonderfully gorgeous and lovely out, yay! Forget writing a long blog, doing homework or organizing my room! I am gonna go play outside! =o) *twirls*

PS- http://www.garyhartnews.com He has a new blog! Please please please check it out!

This is the cutest quiz. My friend Mandy showed it to me. I got this one first but I hate chocolate, unless it's on junior mints! =o)

discover what candy you are @ stvlive.com
So I thought that was just wrong and weird so I took it again.

discover what candy you are @ stvlive.com
More like it. That works though because if you put those two together it's kind of me. Add in stubborn of course!
Peace<3

It's 2:20 and I'm still in my pajamas. But it's spring break, so I'm entitled to be lazy right? I love Steven. He sends me the longest emails about fun little things. I hate that I don't write back but personally I suck at it and would never have as much to say back. I will try to write back some for you Mister. Well I am not in such a good mood as yestreday so I will write about the depression bi-polar fun stuff today. But later, I need to go take a shower. I feel so dirty and I am PMSing bad =o) Good news though, I should be off the day I go back to school. So that's nice. Um more later but here is one of my favorite songs. I remember hearing it on "My So Called Life". Ya know, that 1994 show with Claire Danes? Real good old school stuff. It just stuck and I listen to it about once every other day. It really makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

The Cranberries- Dreams
Oh, my life is changing everyday,

In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it's never quiet as it seems,
Never quiet as it seems.

I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more,
Because it came from you.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.

Ah, la da ah...
La...

I want more impossible to ignore,
Impossible to ignore.
And they'll come true, impossible not to do,
Impossible not to do.

And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me.
You're what I couldn't find.
A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;
You're everything to me.

Oh, my life,
Is changing every day,
In every possible way.

And oh, my dreams,
It's never quiet as it seems,
'Cause you're a dream to me,
Dream to me.

Ah, da, da da da, da, la...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: It's slowly elevating from down to up
Music: The Cranberries- Dreams
Maroon5 Concert: 6 fuckin' days! Woooo

my mom says she is gonna take me shopping tomorrow.
pick me out something nice for maroon5 to see at the show.
woop woop.

Hey it seems simple and it is I'm just dumb but I found out why Avril sounds good on this thing. It's just her and her guitar, no wait her and her band member playing the guitar that she is supposedly a genius with. That is one reason I hate her. BUT when it's just her and a guitar it sounds better. She should do her live performances like this. People would have more respect for her.

Well I said I'd write about my crazy theories on me being depressed and bi-polar and such but I had a good day. Besides that fact that it is now that.. GOD DAMN TIME OF THE GOD DAMN MONTH.. again>=o| So lets not =o) At noon I went over to Tiffany's house and danced around to music for 10 minutes then we went to wal-mart and bought ingredients for cookies. We walked home and made chocolate chip cookies. I don't like chocolate so I just ate some dough before we made them, hehe. Tiff said they were good so I'm sure they were. Then we watched a movie called Emma with Gwen Paltrow staring as Emma. It was very sweet. A romantic chick flick, oh her brother was loving for sure =oD I got bored, we are blunt with each other, so I walked home. It was so pretty and perfect outside. And I only live a block or two from her house so it's a nice walk. It put me in a good mood. So I arrived home took a quick shower. Made myself smell good and put on cute just out of the dryer panties, yay! My older brother is spending a few nights at a friends house (wee! freedom!) so my mom dad little brother and I all went out for dinner at a cute little diner. It was fun. I don't normally enjoy things with my family, but this wasn't so bad. When we got home I collapsed on the couch, good way to work off all that food, eh? I know, but I run a couple miles a day so blah. Who's line it is anyway came on and it made me feel quite spiffy. I didn't think they even aired the show anymore. I was wrong, yay! It makes me just about pee my pants, I love those guys. So afterwards I got on here and well now I'm writing in my blog. Ta dah!

I was thinking about it and it seems to me that if I were reading this blog day after day I would get tired of hearing every detail of what I did during the day, day after day. So coming sometime in the near future I will begin to write about actual topics and use my brain. I'm not promising anything though so yeah... Peace <3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Lovely
Music: Jason Mraz- Unfold. I am going to marry this man. I mean it.
Maroon5 Concert: 7 days!!! 1 week!!!

I am watching Avril Lavigne's sessions at AOL. If you know me other than from this blog you'd know I have this mad passion for Avril.. OF HATE. But I am giving her some props here. She actually sounds semi decent singing: Things I'll never say, Complicated and Mobile. But then she sounds *drumroll here* ...good... singing Tomorrow. Yep I know, I actually said it. Avril sounds good singing tomorrow here. I am impressed. It's crazy. But what is said in here stays in here, okay? ;o) Thanks.

Today was nice. I have begun to think I am bi-polar or something crazy, but days like this make me question it. I was mellow and happy all day. I'll explain the bi-polar, manic depressive stuff tomorrow. It has a story of it's own. One not many know actually. Not even my real journal. So why would I put it on here? Don't ask me =o) Well anyways I had a cool dream last night. I love dreams. Especially if they were good ones and I can actually remember them. There will be more dreams posted here to come. So you all know from my first post that my dream is to live in NYC. Well I have an online friend who does live there and he came to visit me in my dreams last night. My best friend Tiff was with me too. She said she wants to come with me to NYC and we will have little puppies and carry them around in our purses and play with them in central park. I know I know.. it's kinda unrealistic. It'll be hard to start my life there the first few years at least. Sorry I keep getting sidetracked, back to the dream. Well It just started out me and the online buddy running up like four stories of those escape ladder things, in a spiral though, all the way up to his business office. I must have been like 18-22-ish. It was raining too, I love the rain. He kept trying to push me off, which was kinda weird. But we got up there and he ran in the door and I followed him. He went over to his desk. The place sort of had cubicles of like four randomly placed around the room. At his desk there was music playing. And I recognized the music as my little brother's friend who would have been grown up by then, who spent the night the night I dreamt this. He is a cute little black boy and he wants to rap so that's where it came from I guess. Well all his co-workers were being wonderfully nice to me but for some reason it felt like I had been there before that we were already friends. There is this one girl at his work he told me about though that he had been flirting with but she has a boyfriend so it didn't work. Well she was really pretty and there and at the office in the dream and she talked to me like we were really close friends too. Then we all walked into a different section of the place and there were like.. you know those door to rooms where you print photos with the red lights and such? Well there were a few of those but they were just the door and the second half that swivels around was a curtain. I think they were rooms with copier machines in them. I hope you got that. So my buddy and the girl he flirts with went in one and were like fake making out and she was yelling hilarious things I don't remember what they were and everyone was just outside the thing cracking up but when they walked out they were holding hands and me and him left after that and he gave her a kiss so I guess they were really dating.. go you, my online buddy ;o) So then we just walked home. I couldn't hear us talking or any noise at all, but there must have been noise because we were right in the middle of the city, until we got up to my apt. he said goodbye and I said bye. Then Tiffany opened the door. Yay Tiff, you are my roomate! I walked in and that was about it. See doesn't sound exciting but I loved it. It felt like it was me finally living in the city with friends running an errand and walking back in the rain and going home to my cute apt. with my best friend who gets to be my roomate. It was lovely. Good thoughts. Emily is happy! Everyone clap! I am gonna twirl in circles! *twirls*

Two not so lovely events took place today though. I won't write as much about them. That would bring my uppity mood down! Tsk tsk. Well My sister's ex boyfriend came over. He lives in Seattle but he was visiting his parents down here. Again, their little meeting ended up in fighting. And both went home sad and upset. That's never good but it always happens with them. I don't know. I know some people who are strong enough become best friends after coming out of a relationship. But others aren't so lucky. I think it's something you have to work at real hard especially if the feelings were real and very strong. When this has happened to me. I don't think I could help but feel like even if we were talking and laughing as friends that something was kind of missing. Difficult to explain. But if you can work through it, or at least kind of ignore it, block it off. You can be even better friends then you were before and during the relationship. My sister is stubborn (just like me! =o) about things like that so I don't know if she will listen to me about it but I really hope things work out for them. They are two good people who deserve to be happy.

One more not so fun thing. A friend of mine emailed me telling me hadn't slept in like 27 hours. I got on AIM to see if he was on, he was. He was very out of it. He DROVE to class. Which freaked me out and of course kind of hit a tree. I tried telling him to go home and get some sleep but he kept telling me it would mess up his sleep pattern. That doesn't matter he just needs some sleep. Even if it means missing some classes he is already failing =o( He obviously has a sleeping disorder and he assured me he was going to see a doctor about it in a few days.. he better. I just care about him lots and hope he gets things all sorted out. <3 for him.

April 3, 2003 will be one of the happiest days of my life. I am going to go see MAROON5 IN CONCERT! WEEEEEEEEE *runs in circles and leaps and twirls and squeals* I am in love with their music. And in love with their drummer Ryan *drools* hehehe. http://www.maroon5.com Check these sexy boys out! Woop woop! So I am now officially keeping a count down to the show along with my mood and music section. Thank you and Goodnight! <3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Peachy.. that's happy :oD
Music: Alanis Morissette- Hands Clean
Maroon5 Concert: 8 days

Hm well.. I have no idea what to write about.. Tennesee is not having a primary. Do you know what a primary is? I do. Thanks, Kev ;o)

Today was a really slow, nice day. I got up at 12ish and watched tv for an hour. Than I played basketball in the pouring rain in my pjs by myself. Afterwards I took a shower. I smell good. We have this soap and it smells like men's cologne. I love it. I also have this body spray called falling in love. Makes you smell like your falling in love =o) My sister said it smelled yummy. Then I got on the computer for awhile an didn't write in my blog. Did a whole lotta research. I have 3 school projects to get done over my spring break. Great, huh? Well I got the majority of it done. Yay me! I made dinner. It was nummy. Then I got on here and am currently writing in my blog and talking to friends. Er... okay Toodles <3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Happy
Music: Ani DiFranco- As is

There is so much to say but I really and honestly don't feel like typing it out. So toodles.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Confused, I can't figure out my mood
Music: DMB- Crash Into Me
That song is so sexified and prettyful I love it.

god you dumbass.


What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I have this friend...

AND HE'S A FUCKING IDIOT

he's a fucking idiot because he is so much smarter than he is acting.

Yay for Janie! I love my big sister. We got to hang out all day. Yay! She brought me to her new apt first. It's so ghetto lol. But I think it's cute. Plus they have a HUGE ASS tv. Desi is a rich little girl. She told me I could stay there whenever I needed to. She rocks. Then we went shopping. Lots of shopping. At the mall we both got two skirts, a shirt and panties, lots of panties. =o) We ate lunch there at the food court. Japanese chicken stuff, yummy! Then we went grocery shopping at Trader Joes, that is the best store. Went back to the apt again, put the food away. Then we went shopping for the apt at Bed Bath and Beyond, woop woop! Finished with that and again went back to the apt and dropped that stuff off lol. We blasted good music in the car the whole time as well. I know it probably doesn't sound like a lot of fun but shopping, no matter what for, is one of my favorite things, hehe. But I was in her company the whole time so it was fun as hell. This is so wonderful, having her back here just 5 minutes away again. J'aime ma soeur! *xoxo's for her*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Mellow
Music: Jason Adamo- Long Lost Friend

You are orange. You are emotional. Outside, you are bitter and stubborn, inside you are hopeful, hoping someone will come save you from the bitterness of your own mind. You constantly feel the need to prove yourself, and you look up to those who can make thier dreams happen. You are broken, but not beyond repair like maroon.

What inner color are you?

My favorite color ironically =o)

I didn't get to see my sister last night =o( I guess she wanted to get things un-packed already so my Dadda just dropped her and boxes of things off at Desi's apt. I love Desi, she is a sweetie pie and makes a good roomate apparently. Anyways she just decided to stay there and he came home. I was sad =o( It's okay though, she's coming over today. Today is officially the first day of my spring break and I slept in until 12:30pm or 1:00pm ish. Yay for sleep! I love it! Okay I should go take a shower and get myself some lunch so ttyl. <3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mood: Lazy
Music: No Doubt- Running

I have never been so happy in quite a few years. It was like utopia for a hour. I go running everday for 2 miles or so. But today it was raining. No not raining, POURING. I mean POURING. So I meet Tiff halfway up the street and we get off my street. I see this huge puddle and say "Look at it Tiff, it wants me". She says "LET'S GO!" and we both just run towards it and jump in it. We splashed everywhere and the whole way home for an hour. Do you have any idea what that can do for you? I didn't. I hadn't done this since I was like 6. IT FUCKING ROCKED! I dropped all my shit all the shit going on in the world and just danced and splashed in the rain. It felt so good. AND to top it all off... MY SISTER IS COMING HOME! MY BIG SISTER! Janie!!!! I love her so much. I miss her so much. She has been going to school in Seattle for a year and is moving back down here. She will be here in just a few hours. I feel so blessed. Just for tonight, that's enough. I am blasting loud happy music and talking to good friends with a Dr. Pepper in my hand. I just love this feeling. I wish I felt like this all the time. It is so wonderful. So lovely =o) Oh yeah I had fun with the pre-schoolers that i watch every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. They are little angels. I can't wait to have some of my own. Well I g2g. I love you. Whoever you are<3

I hate you, I love you
I just can't remember to forget you
Who are you, who needs you?
You make me feel alive, I die, so high
I'm crawling on the ground
I have found I can fly

One of these days it all comes together
One of those days that goes on forever
Think I sound crazy? Maybe, whatever
What’s it all about?

It’s about life, it’s about fun
It’s over before it has begun
It’s about you, it’s about me
It’s about everything between and I say
I'm saying goodbye to you, I say hi to you with no clue
It’s about time that I
Make up my mind

It’s simple, confusing, the truth is I'm winning but I'm losing
And pulling and pushing, won't do me any good
It could, it should
I'm honest to myself that the truth is I lied

One of these days it all comes together
One of those days that goes on forever
Think I sound crazy? Maybe, whatever
What’s it all about?

Time is creeping behind me, surrounding around me
Fading the words so desperately
Now give me a reason that I can believe in
Time is something you can't rewind
One of these days it all comes together
One of those days that goes on forever
Think I sound crazy? Maybe, whatever
What’s it all about?

--Lillix- It's About time

hug from behind - you like to feel what the other
person is feeling and see things how they see
them. you tend to be serious and emotional.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Beautiful picture eh? This is so cute because see I have this list. Number one is kissing on the neck. I think this is number two, or is it 3? Shit I forgot. That's what happens when you don't have a boyfriend for a long time ;o) lol. I think I know someone who will remember, I'll ask them later tonight. See ya around...

So first off a thank you to Kevin (http://www.gettinginthegame.blogspot.com) for introducing me to Gary Hart. He says basically what I would say if I were a smart politician =o) This article came from http://www.garyhartnews.com

"Gary Hart's Statement on the War

History alone must be the judge of the justice and necessity of our current war.

I have argued, unsuccessfully, for permanent, international, coercive inspections and disarmament of Iraq but President Bush has chosen unilateral war. The die is cast.

President Bush has now taken our nation on a new, uncharted, and potentially dangerous course. We must not only question that course, but also offer a better, more constructive alternative.

In 2004, the American people will render their verdict on this war and its adverse impact on American lives, American economic well-being and on the elevated risk of terrorist attack.

In the meantime, we must all support and pray for the security and quick success of America’s armed forces and the safety of innocent civilians.

God bless our troops and God bless America.

Gary Hart
Kittredge, CO"

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

How fun, come and get it boys ;o) lol

http://a799.g.akamai.net/3/799/388/9783ccfa198fae/www.msnbc.com/news/1830937.jpg Look at this picture. This looks like 9/11. Okay not as big but still. Come on, this is insane. Could you imagine being a little 5 year old and waking up to the sound of an army bombing you across town? Well at least the bombing isn't going on over here. But then again it's not fair to the Iraqi families anyways. Ugh, it's just so sad. Bush says we are going in there to liberate but yet we are killing innocent people and tearing the city apart. Do we have the money to rebuild Iraq after it's all done with? And how are we going to know if we ever really killed Saddam? Well here is a good article I just found on my home page.http://msnbc.com/news/842500_asp.htm Err well enough of that for one day. I just have to vent a little at a time.

So, I really like his guy at my school. His name is John Walker. He is adorable and athletic and smart. He is also the only guy at my school I actually like like not just drool over. Stan.. *drools*. Well I was going to give up on John but it seems this past week I keep running into him over and over again. Today to be stupid some friends and I were walking to safeway to get some bagels and he was coming back from there. So I crossed over just to walk past him, which he figured out right away, then he smiled and waved at me. Ah, it was wonderful. He has the cutest smile. We'll see.. Things are so stressful right now there are only a couple guys I can think of I'd really have the time, energy and love for to date right now. Speaking of school I got a 94% on my math test today, weeee! Mr. B scares me but he rocks at the same time. He calls me Peanut now for two reasons. I am small being the obvious one and I am wearing this cute pink shirt today that says peanut on the back of it. I just thought that was cool because my cousin calls me Peanut too. And I LOVE my cousins. I hope my Grammie makes it to August because then I'd get to chill with all my cousins!! They are all in their 20's and kick ass. I was also going to try and convince one of them to take me to NYC while we were there too. My future home, NYC =o) So incredibly wonderful there.

Great, I was distracted and stopped writing for a bit. Now I forgot what I was going to say next. Oh well I do remember I was going to show you these cute love quotes at the end. So I'll see you around <3

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened

I love this song and it sorta describes how I feel about this guy.

I know we're just like old friends
We just can't pretend
That lovers make amends
We are reasons so unreal
We can't help but feel that something has been lost

But please you know you're just like me
Next time I promise we'll be
Perfect
Perfect
Perfect strangers down the line
Lovers out of time
Memories unwind

So far I still know who you are
But now I wonder who I was...

Angel, you know it's not the end
We'll always be good friends
The letters have been sent on

So please, you always were so free
You'll see, I promise we'll be
Perfect
Perfect strangers when we meet
Strangers on the street
Lovers while we meet

Perfect
You know this has to be
We always we're so free
We promised that we'd be
Perfect

Wow. I haven't wrote in a few days. So much has just been going on. I never even posted about my grandparents did I? Or the war? Or "the guy"? Or School? So we'll just go in that order.

Grandparents~ Well My Dad's dad is dying and my Mom's mom is dying. Neither of them have a set time. It's scary. My Grandpa is just old but he recently had to be put into a nursing home. That makes me so sad I never want to live in one of them. My Grandma evidently suffered from a "silent heart attack". Her heart went from working 100% to 20%. It is really scary. She could go to sleep tonight and never wake up or she could stay for 5 years. Who knows... We were supposed to have a family reunion on my mom's side for her 90th birthday back in Michigan in August. We'll see. I am praying for them both.

The War~ Well ironically I stopped after writing about my grandparents to watch the presidents second address. He didn't specifically say we are going to war but of course we are. I don't get how Bush says we are in there to save Iraq yet we are just tearing the place apart with our dumbass bombs. I just first saw the firing over Baghdad about 30 minutes ago. I just couldn't take it. I started crying. Really crying. That's our people doing that. I hate war. I hate it I don't want to even talk about it anymore. I'll cut if off here.

The Guy~ We aren't going to flirt anymore. It's wrong. We can't be anything more than caring friends. It sucks so bad but I have to get over it. At least we still talk. I love him to pieces. And he recently got what seems to be a very important job. I am so proud of him and so excited for him. He is kind of also supposed to be fighting over there in the war right now. I know that's what he wants but to be honest I am glad he isn't.

School~ School is going good except for my maths tests but I miss having a boyfriend. There are no good boys here. No matter how hard I look for them. Just aren't here.. Oh well

Goodnight <3

Which toe are you? o_O~?

Weird because that is my favorite toe. On me at least. It has the honor of getting to wear my cute toe ring.

Ugh that guy I wrote the huge long thing about is at it again. But other than that today is a good day. <3 Emily

What Drink Are You?

Sorry I didn't write yesterday. Wasn't much to say. But Anyways I am going out for a run. And BTW Yay for Elizabeth Smart. I am so glad they found you! <3

Hey It's march 10th, right? Yeah well I just got done with dinner. I actually thought today would suck but I forgot everwood was on :o) Oh it makes mondays alllll better! So I woke up late, rushed to school.. same ol same ol. Oh except the fact that I got assigned LOADS of homework. I shouldn't even be on here writing in my blog. I'll get to the invigorating essay and world view and social scientists later. Got home, did my math homework and 4 current events while watching Oprah! woop woop! Then I went for a run with one of my bestest friends, Tiffy, I think we went two or three miles. Who's countin anyways. I love running. It's a great stress reliever. I had been spazzing earlier because I have all this homework and projects that need to be done. But things are all good now. Got a lond email from a friend! yay! Oh feel free to email me;o) superfly12345@hotmail.com Came home ate dinner and now it's on to more homework. After I finish this post that is. Which would be now because there is nothing else to say... Have a lovely evening <3

I hate Avril but this is a good song. I know I am a huge hypocrite.
Why do you always do this to me? Why couldn't you just see right through me?
How come you act like this like you just don't care at all? Do you expect me to believe I was the only one at fault?
I can feel I can feel you near me even though you're far away. I can feel I can feel you baby, Why?
Its not supposed to feel this way I need you I need you more and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you I need you I need you
Tell me are you me still together? tell me you think we could last forever? tell me why?
Hey listen to what we're not saying, lets play a different game then what we're playing
Try to look at me and really see my heart
Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?
I can feel I can feel you near me even when you're far away I can feel I can feel you baby why?
It's not supposed to feel this way I need you I need you more and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you I need you I need you
Tell me are you and me still together tell me you think we could last forever? tell me why
So go on and think about whatever you need to think about go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel you feel
I can feel I can feel you near me even though you're far away
I can feel I can feel you baby why?
It's not supposed to hurt this way I need I need you more and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you I need you I need you tell me
It's not supposed to hurt this way I need I need you more and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you I need you I need you tell me
Are you and me still together? Tell me
Do you think we could last forever? Tell me
Why?

I figured out what I am feeling, in regards to the last post. It's quite simple actually. My heart say yes, my head says no. The heart always wants to win but I have to let the head take over. Right? =o\

So it's 1:33 am on Sunday, March 9th, 2003. And I am sitting here almost in tears. I had been in this relationship, if you could call it that, a few months or so back. We stay in touch very frequently but things never really felt the same, well obviously but even compared to the simple friendship we had before. He was the best guy I'd ever met and even though I still have him I miss that closeness so much. He was the one who sort of made the decision to distance from each other for a lot of reasons, mostly because of his things going on in his life and I was heartbroken. Horribly love sick. My feelings have not changed for him in the least bit and it has been so difficult trying not to let that be so obvious. I mean no doubt I am so much better than i was a few months ago. The first night I even got physically sick thinking about it, while now we can have funny friendly conversations and I am okay with it. I can deal with it and was beginning to think that this really is better for us both. That has been changing though. I don't know what to feel. That's the general thing happening with all this. I have been recently learning from himself that he still has to have some sort of intimate feelings for me. As a matter of fact I think he did when he seperated himself from me, I don't think feelings for me was the issue. Everyonce in awhile he starts acting different or close or something around me again. I love it and hate it all at the same time. It reminds me of how happy we were and how lovely things were and gives me hope things could work out but it also pains me because I know that we can be close again for a few minutes but the next day it's gonna be the same as before. We'll go back to being friends, we'll go back to telling each other about the people in our lifes we've been crushing on or dating. When he acts this was I soo soo soo wanna act back and it's so damn hard because I just can't let myself. I don't know whether I should let myself or not. I don't know if it was cause more pain, or more happiness. I just don't know. I care about him so much. I love him so much. And I know he feels the same way about me. So what is wrong with us? Why is it so hard for us to be up at that next level? And why is it so hard for me to tell him all this? There is so much uncertainty, it is so hard to deal with for me. I need answers. And I need a refresher on exactly how he is feeling about me again. But I do know we both want the best for both of us and we both love each other so much so we will work this out. I know we can makes things comfortable for us both. Right now I think we just both need to be there for each other, listening and talking. I think he might read this so, I love you Mister ;o)

~why are we afraid to be in love, to be loved, i can't explain i know it's tough to be loved~
~no ever said it would be easy no one ever said it would be so hard, oh take me back to the start~

Well it's 12:20 and normally I like to write in my blog in the evening but we are off to Salem later and for the rest of the day. We are eating dinner with our family friends than going to see a play. Weee! But I get to see Paige and she is wonderful so it will be fun. Hopefully it'll make up for last night =o( As I wrote in my blog yesterday, it just wasn't a good day and I wasn't up to going to the dance which I just found out was really fun. Maybe I should have. Oh well.. there will be plenty more! A really lovely boy I met from VC's Message Board said some sweet things to me last night and made a little confession about his feelings for me. Which cheered me up but is always a little complicating too. He's so lovely though, I have a feeling we'll stay good friends for a long time. Yayness! BTW check out Vanessa Carlton! www.vanessacarlton.com She is talented, sweet, smart and I met a lot of life long friends through her. I will have officially been obsessed with her for one year one week from today. Yippee! Well I am off to take a shower. I hope you all take one today too. Have a great day <3

This post is dedicated to the chat "cool ass chicks" and the girls in it. Mandy, Babsie and Katie, love you girls! So I told them to check out my cool ass blog and babsie yells out "It's an ass blog! lol". So I told them I would write about John's ass (a guy i dig). Then Manders tells me to talk about Kevie's ass. Check out Kevin's blog http://gettinginthegame.blogspot.com. So here we go...

John's ass. He has a nice one. A tight one! I saw it in his speedo! He is on the swim team. Rawr. It is so cute and tight I just wanna pinch it hehe. PS- John has a nice body in general. And a buldge. I saw it in his speedo..

Kevie's ass. I have never seen Kev's ass. Because Kevin lives in NYC. But I have seen his face and he is a STUD MUFFIN. Besides all Kevin's I know (6 in all) are cute as heck. Besides Kevie played sports a lot before so he must. Kevin, watch out... in a couple of years I will be legal and in the same city as that ass of yours *wink*

Please don't be freaked out Kev or John. I had to do it for the girls. Bwhahahhaha <3

EDIT: This is from a chat I had with Kev later on.. "SFTD7: my ass is HOT!!!!" LMAO *love for kev*

Today was just one of those days. Nothing went wrong, I'm not tired but I just don't feel as uppity as usual. I should because I found out yesterday I get to go see Maroon5 (maroon5.com) live in concert with Guster (guster.com) plus my older sister who I miss and love is taking me. So I walked home in the rain again today. The rain is really pretty, I love it. Bad thing was I was wearing jeans and they stuck to my legs when they got wet, that's annoying. Like going swimming in jeans, no fun. I am listening to Peter Schimdt right now, you should be too. Check him out at www.peteschimdtband.com. When the site works that is, it's rarely up. An online buddy of mine is getting a tattoo right now.. I think that's cool but I'd rather have my nose pierced. My mom has always been uptight about piercings. I don't think she'll let me get one until I'm 18 and can sign for it myself. Ugh, my mom there is something I can talk about. I love her to death but nothing is good enough for her. I have gotten lots of crap from her about stuff this week. She has always been like this but it really started when I cut down on ballet a bit. Now I don't dance enough, don't dress like she wants me too, don't have like a flippin 4.0 GPA, don't hang out with the right people (my friends are the best ever!), even stupid things like not having my room clean. Maybe she does it for her own pleasure maybe not but I certainly don't understand. I have been worrying a lot lately about my Grandpa. He is very sick and in the hospital. They thought he was going to die at the beginning of the week and I couldn't have taken another loss after Baily. So I guess he is going to be fine but the family is trying to get him into some sort of elder home. Which makes me sad, I never want to live in one of those. His name is "Grandpa No Hair" since I was 4, hehe love him. There is a dance tonight at my school. They can be fun but I'm not sure that I'm up for it tonight, we'll see, my friends might make me come. Well I will just keep going and going so I better stop while I'm ahead. <3

Hi to anyone who might read my blog. This is my first post so I'll introduce myself. I'm Emily,a lady from Oregon. http://www.mcdplus.com/web/bgnessaholic/moi1.jpg That is what I look like. Hobbies include: dancing, playing, listening, watching and making music, running, swimming, rock climbing, writing, shopping, being lazy with my friends, anything to do with the computer, reading, laughing, going to concerts, talking to people, helping animals and people, traveling listening to people's problems (I can't give good advice), other things and never missing a episode of the WB's Everwood. That covers most of it. Now on to my dreams, I have my whole life planned out really :o) Okay so I plan to graduate High School (with a... 3.75). Then the day after I am getting my ass on a plane and flying to New York City. Then it's off to college. Where I don't know, as long as it's semi-nice and in the city. I had planned on going to Juilliard on a dance scholarship but that story is for a whole other post. My career, now that varies day to day. Some days I want to work with kids some days I want to be a interior designers, other days first woman president. We'll see about that one ;o) Then I would like to marry the best guy ever, I don't know who that is but whoever it is it will be the right one. I don't want to be another statistic. We will travel before the next step. That would be some kids, if my first child is a daughter, I'd stop there. No! I'm not sexist! Sheesh... Then live a nice happy life. Retiring early, mhm ;o) Honestly thought if things don't work out like planned that would be perfectly fine as long as I live a happy life and make a difference in people's lifes. Well I am lazy and don't want to finish this, so night!